Love

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Ashton K, 30 yrs and Jensen K, 2 1/2 yrs. 22/07/2018.

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My Hands

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Holding me upright on my bike

Left hand holding a pen to write

Pulling me up on a hoop to do aerial tricks

Holding my camera, capturing light

Working with my legs to keep me on a pole

Holding dog leads as we walk as a pack

Creating things, holding fear, showing love.

My hands.

 

Seeing Anxiety

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Thoughts race at high speed. Negative. Unhealthy. Real.

The urge to flee. To nowhere specific just away from now.

Breath is shallow. The mind races.

Escape not possible.

Thoughts race at high speed. Negative. Unhealthy. Real.

A seperation occurs. A sideways step from reality.

Observing the reaction. Knowing it’s taking place yet knowing there is difference.

Medication. Daily exercise. Controlling the anxiety.

Still it comes. Yet somehow it’s less.

Thoughts race at high speed. Negative. Unhealthy. Real.

Tempered by medication and exercise.

The impact is less devastating. But still real.

Seeing anxiety.

A Black & White Setting Sun

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This is a photo from 12 months ago that I found today whilst looking for another photo. As often happens.

I like that its in black and white. The blue colour of the sky wasn’t dramatic enough for me. Shooting in black and white is one of the things I love about my X-Pro1. Whilst I feel that I can see how a photo will look in black and white it’s nice to be able to look through the view finder as I’m taking a photo and see how it will appear as a black and white image.

Art Meets Photography

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I continue playing with apps to turn my photos into digital art. This isn’t something I want to do with all my photos. I prefer my photography to be about capturing something I’ve seen. But every now & again I like to step away from what I love & try something different. Digital art is an easy way to do this. I used Prisma to create this image & I like how it has turned out.

kim

Uncovering Knowledge

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Recently things aligned in my life to allow me to attend a photo walk that I’d been hoping to get to for over 12 months. Not living in the city the photo walk is held in was the biggest hurdle for my attendance.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was excited at the prospect of stretching myself photographically and learning a thing or two. It is not often I get two hours of dedicated photography time. I love the vibrancy of Melbourne at night but I rarely get to experience it with a camera in hand.

As our guides began going over their recommendations for shooting at night I realised I knew what they were talking about. Discussions of camera settings, rules to stick to & ones to break, I knew this stuff . I learnt it a long time ago. I simply hadn’t had the chance to concentrate on photographing life at night so that knowledge had been filed away. Thankfully the realisation of this simply increased my excitement. I slipped into the zone and pretty soon was surprised to find the two hours were up. The photo walk was done. The key now is to utilise that knowledge, practicing often so I don’t forget.

Kim.

Grateful For Sunsets

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Pouring oil into a pan, out of the corner of my eye I notice the colour of the sky changing. A pale blue that is becoming something else although I can’t yet tell what it will become.

Looking up I notice wisps of white cloud stretched long across my view.

The pan is warmed so I begin adding ingredients for tonights dinner; chicken pieces go in first. Letting the chicken brown I look out the window properly this time. Yellow is becoming the prominent colour. The wispy clouds are no longer white. They take on hues of yellow with the promise of another colour.

I quickly stir the chicken and dash outside grabbing my iPhone on the way. A couple of snaps and I head back inside to continue with dinner. Adding carrots, mushrooms and cooking sake I glance up and marvel at the deepening colours in the sky. There are hints of something coming, something spectacular but I pretend to ignore the possibility. Dinner must be made.

However I cannot resist and dash outside again. Quickly taking three or four photos, not daring to take more in case I ruin our meal.

Inside again I add noodles, honey and soy sauce. Stirring for a minute all the while watching the sky. Could it be? Will I get the colours I love?

Dishing the finished stir fry into bowls, I give David his bowl and put mine down. One last photo I say.

Outside the sky has deepened to rich tones of golden red. It’s fleeting beauty but one I revel in every time I witness it. I take another few photos then simply admire the view.

Satisfied I head back inside to eat my evening meal and remain grateful for sunsets.

Kim

 

Learning Takes Time

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Having only spent the past four years or so falling back in love with photography there has been a lot of catching up to do. Most of it has centred around post processing. I grew up with film photography. When digital photography became an option it was, for me, prohibitively expensive. I couldn’t justify the expense of moving to digital when my film cameras were continuing to service my needs.

Once I felt the need to take photographs again my cheap, dated pocket digital camera would not cut it. Eventually settling on a Fujifilm X-Pro1 I rapidly fell in love again with photography. However I was unsure how to go about processing my images. Following a recommendation from a long admired professional photographer as well as researching the options I finally settled on CaptureOne Pro and Aurora HDR.

It has taken a lot of time for me to feel like I am finally ‘getting’ digital post processing. I’ve watched a lot of CaptureOne  & Aurora tutorials, reading and re-reading their user guides upteem times. It took me a long time to get over the fear of ruining a photo by editing it ‘wrong.’ I’ve embraced the fact that if I get any element of an edit wrong it can be undone. That’s certainly more freeing than dodging and burning in the dark room which could also be done wrong.

Buying a new iMac last year has also gone a long way towards being able to see my photos properly. I’m now going through old photos – like the one above taken in 2015 – and seeing there is a lot of photos that are actually ok.

kim

 

Unexpected Tension

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Come outside. Quickly.

Moving fast, trying to breathe life into something that should have given up a long time ago.

Back and forth. dashing here, there. Spraying something cold. It fires. then stops. Again. this cycle is repeated.

I see the tension pulsing through his body. Tamping down an underlying anger. This is not what he wants, not now. Now he should be relaxing. Not this.

I expect him to yell, can see it rising up inside. Not yelling at me. Yelling at the car. At life. At the world.

He contains it. Pushes it down. I watch as he takes control of his body, stopping it from doing what it wants.

How does he do that? Has his breathing changed? Perhaps. I’m not sure. I go to ask but hesitate. Will that make things worse? I let the question go.

Success. The engine turns over and this time stays running.

It sounds terrible. My untrained ears know this. It doesn’t sound like it used to. When it was not so old. I cannot describe it but it is a sound I have unconsciously came to know.

Now it sounds unwell. Old. He knows this but doesn’t mention it. Instead, as the engine continues to run he guides me to see what he’s found under the hood. It’s not the problem he thought was there but something else. It’s a good thing this knowledge as now he knows exactly what to replace.

I think perhaps, he is happier. Relieved. But tired.

The part can be replaced. The car will continue to function. Not as it was; its much too old for that. But for long enough to see him through until a replacement can be found.

kim.